Do Not Give Up

Let us not become weary in doing good,

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest

if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

 

 

    I know social media gets a lot of grief some times about all the drama it can cause; but so many times, God uses it to give me what I need, just when I need it. Take this morning for example.  This status update on the Joyce Meyer Ministries Facebook page was just what I needed...

 

"Galatians 6:9 encourages us to keep doing what's right, for in time we shall reap God's blessings. There is a right time for all things in our lives, and there is safety in being in God's perfect timing. Being frustrated will not make Him hurry. Enjoy today."

 

    Some days, I do get frustrated. Yesterday was one of those days. I met with my surgeon to discuss the results of flex sigmoidoscopy, a procedure I had to have to make sure the resection of my colon and rectum was successful before we could proceed with taking down my temporary ileostomy.

 

    The results were not what I wanted to hear. I have a fistula, a hole, between my rectum and vagina. Also, the resection site is non-patent due to stricture and scar tissue. While Dr. D. feels he could take care of the latter, he believes the fistula is non-repairable.  The fistula, most likely caused from the radiation treatment, would allow stool to pass in to the vagina. This would result in infections, inflammation and possible abscesses if we were to go through with the takedown. Not to mention the hygiene problems it would cause. Can you say, "YUCK?!"

 

    Dr. D. did give me the option of keeping my ileostomy or converting back to a colostomy. I keep trying to focus on the good, the positive: the colostomy was easier to manage, it leaked less often and had less skin irritation. Hey, I'll be able to eat salads again! But then the negatives start.

 

    I mean really, would you want to walk around all day, every day, for the rest of your life with a pouch full of stool adhered to your stomach? Constantly worried about it filling up with gas like a balloon and people being able to see it under your clothes? Fearful that it is going to start leaking and you don't have supplies with you or a change of clothes? Having to take into consideration how every article of clothing you try on or purchase is going to camouflage the bag? Or, true story here, if while leaning over a patient doing an assessment, is your ostomy going to "fart" and embarrass you? And trying to decide if a simple "excuse me" or "Oops, sorry." will suffice or is a full blown explanation needed judging by the look of horror on her face? (By the way, thank you to the my awesome co-workers who helped me laugh about it until I cried afterwards!)

 

    So, yes, it is easy to get frustrated, even angry, at times. To wonder when is God going to heal me. Why hasn't He healed me yet. Lord, would You just hurry up and do this thing already. Any day  now, Lord. I'm ready. But what glory would there be in that? If, like an indulgent parent, God gave us every thing we wanted, right when we wanted it -- what would we gain? What would we become? The spoilt child that was never grateful and never appreciated the things we do have.

 

    I know God has a plan for me, for my life. He has told He is going to see me through this. I know where my help comes from. I will continue to cast my cares upon Him whom cares for me. I will trust Him for His perfect timing, for His will. I will learn the lessons He is trying to teach me, to grow in the areas He is wanting me to mature in, and to work on the areas He shows me I need to change. I will continue to do good and when I grow weary, instead of giving up, I will turn to the source of my strength. I will wait upon the Lord and praise Him, thank Him, for my many blessings.

 

    Thank You, Father, for giving me what I need, just when I need it. Thank You that when I am at my lowest, my weakest, I can call out to You and know that You will be there to comfort, to strengthen, and see me through. Thank you for the peace of mind that while I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow or next week, You do, and you have a plan for me, a plan for my good, my future.  In Your Son's name, Amen.

 

~Delta